Girls Camp visit

Today Dusty and I got to go up to girls camp. The girls in our ward were going to do a service project. They were going to make tiny bracelets to be donated to the hospital for mother who's babies pass away. They made two in each set, One for the baby to be buried with and one exactly like it so that the mother can keep it and always remember what her baby is wearing. I was so happy and grateful when I heard that these girls were going to be doing this. And I was even more excited when I was asked to come up and talk to the girls and share with them a little about Colette and why I spend time making baby blankets and bracelets to donate for other who have also lost their baby like I lost Colette.

I was nervous but so happy to do this. I knew that I would not be able to do it without crying but I was ok with that. I had kind of a hard time trying to find a balance, I didn't want to scare the girls so bad that they never wanted to have children of their own for fear they might loose one, but I also didn't want them to think that it was just an easy trial. So I spent lots of time praying. To be honest I can't really even remember what I said, Some of it but not all.

I did tell them that right after I knew we had lost Colette I sat in the hospital bed just crying out in my heart in prayer, Begging Heavenly Father to please please help me. I was so terrified as I faced my worst nightmare, that I would not be strong enough to pass this test, I didn't want to be bitter, I didn't want to be angry, I didn't want to ask why, or wish this on anyone else. And I knew that with out the Lords help, I would never make it.

I told them that about a month after I lost Colette I knew I needed a project, something to keep me busy, It was still winter and snowing so it's not like I could stay busy by doing yard work. So I told them how I called my bereavement councilor and asked her about making baby blankets and bracelets. And I started sewing. At first I really struggled knowing what these blankets would be used for, It broke my heart to think of another mother going through what I was going through. And I prayed and I prayed to find peace with what I was doing. The answers came to me, that I could not stop another mother from loosing a baby. "That is in the Lord's hands" But I can maybe give comfort to someone when it does happen.

I told them that when you loose a baby you don't have years of memories to help you when you grieve, you don't even really know your babies' personality. What you do have to help remember your baby will only fill a little box, but every piece is so very important. I told the girls that these bracelets would help to bring piece and comfort and create memories for mother and fathers.

I told them that when we lost Colette my heart broke and that there would always be a piece of me that was broken and it would not be fixed until my baby was back in my arms. But I told them that that was ok. It does not mean that I can't function. It does not mean that I don't have enough faith, or enough love for the rest of my children. It's just a fact that I have come to realize. That a piece of me will simply always be broken until it is made right and my family is whole again.

I told them that decisions they make today, will effect the rest of their lives, even if they feel like being a mother and being married is so far away, it's not as far as they think. I told them I was so grateful that Dusty and I were married in the Temple. That since we were it was one less thing I needed to stress about after loosing Colette, that if we were not married in the Temple it would break my heart to no end until it was fixed, but since we were, it was one less thing I had to stress about while mourning the earthly loss of my daughter.

I shared with them my fairy tale that I wrote for my children so that they could always remember Colette. (actually I had Cammy read it for me ) and I quoted a few paragraphs from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in his talk ...

"Your Happily Ever After"

It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.

Enduring adversity is not the only thing you must do to experience a happy life. Let me repeat: how you react to adversity and temptation is a critical factor in whether or not you arrive at your own “happily ever after.”

I ended by telling them that I knew that if they were ever faced with trials that made them feel that they could not endure it alone, if they would just pray to their Heavenly Father for help they I knew they He would lift them and carry them through their burden. And that with His help they could do anything. I told them that it took months but I had come to know that Colette's journey was all that she needed, that no matter what family she was born into it would have been the same. That she did something so valiant in the pre existence that she only needed a body, she didn't need to be tried and tested, she didn't' need to feel pain and disappointment, and for that I was grateful, I was grateful that she would never have to know what it felt like to loose a baby. This was a good thing for her, she was done! She is exalted! It's just very painful for the rest of us because we miss her so much. And I told them that I was so very grateful that she had picked me to be her mother, and our family to be a part of.
And then they made their bracelets, they made tiny ones the size of quarters for miscarriages and still births and then they made some larger ones for full term babies like Colette. These beautiful girls and your woman leaders made 30 sets to donate.
I will never forget their willingness to serve. And I am forever grateful for the beautiful bracelets they made, They will be very precious and mean the world to mothers and fathers who don't take a baby home with them. And I am also forever grateful for the chance that I had to share my beautiful Colette with them, I hope that she has touched their lives the way she has touched and changed ours.




I was also invited to take the stake girls camp photo that night. Of course it's not my best work photography wise but it was a lot of fun to be able to see the whole stake together at camp.