A not so fun support group meeting
Tonight was our monthly support group meeting. I was actually looking forward to it, and hoping that it would be a good meeting. I have found some really wonderful friends there. There were a lot of new people there tonight and I've never seen it so full. Which of course is not a good thing. It always makes me sad to think that someone else has to loose a baby too.
However it was NOT a good meeting tonight. I'm totally baffled how someone can sit in a room full of people who have ALL lost a child in one way or another and say that no one knows what they are going through and that what they went through is far worse than what everyone else has gone through... Yea for me personally a miscarriage would be far easier than what we did go through for Colette, but I would never say to anyone that had a miscarriage that what I went through was far worse than what they went through. I would never dream of it! Yet I had to sit through over 2 hours of listening to 3 different people go on and on and on about how miscarrying their baby was harder than loosing a baby at any other time because of this or that or..... Ugh! I left telling my friend that if I have to listen to how much harder someone Else's situation one more time that I would not be accountable for what I said or did. Sadly she totally agreed with me.
There were two ladies who were new, they both lost their baby's in Aug, so about 5 months ago. One was a miscarriage and one was a stillborn. And they were so....... bitter! They kept saying that when you loose a baby that has not been born yet it's so much harder blah blah blah. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. I just feel really sorry for them and I hope that they loose the bitterness soon because I know that it's never going to make them feel better. I didn't say much the whole meeting, Oh I thought of plenty of things that I could have said but I knew that they were so wrapped up in their "pity party" that they would never really HEAR what I was saying or allow it to sink in to help in anyway. It was almost like being back in the mission field. When the spirit would whisper that there was nothing I could say that this person would hear that they were just really not ready, So I kept my mouth shut. But the whole meeting I felt the Spirit so strongly, (which is really odd with how negative the talk was) and I was just so grateful that for our Colette's story, I'm so grateful that of all the things that we have felt that bitterness is not one of them. Trust me we have plenty of other feelings to work through without feeling bitterness and pushing other than can help away.
They also kept saying that people would say that their child was perfect and how that didn't make them feel any better, or that they were happy in heaven and how that didn't help either. that knowing the plan of salvation did do anything to help the situation at all. It made me so sad to hear that. I have found such comfort and peace knowing that my little girl is with my Savior. Peace that someone so perfect choose to come to our family and has taught us so much.
One lady said that she hate how the Church says that you can be together forever IF you do this and that and do everything perfect but you never get progress reports along the way so you never know how your really doing. I felt so bad I just wanted to cry! I have never looked at the Gospel in such a way. I just wanted to tell her that Heavenly Father loves her and that is why he sent us a Savior! He gave his Son so that if we apply the atonement we CAN live together forever as a family.
She also said that she has a hard time with her youngest daughter feeling connected to her and loving her because her older sister passed away at 2 months old and that child was the one who was supposed to be their youngest, that she never wanted another baby she wanted the one who died. It just broke my heart I just wanted to cry! Here I am sitting with 4 of my best friends all who would give anything to have another baby, several of them CAN"T have more children. I know that I would give anything to be able to have more than one more child but i also know that we will be lucky to have one more... and it just really heart to hear someone say that about their child.
Anyway once the meeting was over we did have a great time out in the lobby cooing over Shanna's little baby boy. He is so tiny!!! and the cutest little thing. :) We decided that since this meeting was such a bust were going to get together in a few weeks at my house for our own little get together. I have to say that I'm so grateful for the great friends that I've made through this whole journey. Loosing Colette is the hardest thing I've done but Heavenly Father has truly sent us wonderful blessings to help heal and comfort our broken hearts and empty arms.
However it was NOT a good meeting tonight. I'm totally baffled how someone can sit in a room full of people who have ALL lost a child in one way or another and say that no one knows what they are going through and that what they went through is far worse than what everyone else has gone through... Yea for me personally a miscarriage would be far easier than what we did go through for Colette, but I would never say to anyone that had a miscarriage that what I went through was far worse than what they went through. I would never dream of it! Yet I had to sit through over 2 hours of listening to 3 different people go on and on and on about how miscarrying their baby was harder than loosing a baby at any other time because of this or that or..... Ugh! I left telling my friend that if I have to listen to how much harder someone Else's situation one more time that I would not be accountable for what I said or did. Sadly she totally agreed with me.
There were two ladies who were new, they both lost their baby's in Aug, so about 5 months ago. One was a miscarriage and one was a stillborn. And they were so....... bitter! They kept saying that when you loose a baby that has not been born yet it's so much harder blah blah blah. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. I just feel really sorry for them and I hope that they loose the bitterness soon because I know that it's never going to make them feel better. I didn't say much the whole meeting, Oh I thought of plenty of things that I could have said but I knew that they were so wrapped up in their "pity party" that they would never really HEAR what I was saying or allow it to sink in to help in anyway. It was almost like being back in the mission field. When the spirit would whisper that there was nothing I could say that this person would hear that they were just really not ready, So I kept my mouth shut. But the whole meeting I felt the Spirit so strongly, (which is really odd with how negative the talk was) and I was just so grateful that for our Colette's story, I'm so grateful that of all the things that we have felt that bitterness is not one of them. Trust me we have plenty of other feelings to work through without feeling bitterness and pushing other than can help away.
They also kept saying that people would say that their child was perfect and how that didn't make them feel any better, or that they were happy in heaven and how that didn't help either. that knowing the plan of salvation did do anything to help the situation at all. It made me so sad to hear that. I have found such comfort and peace knowing that my little girl is with my Savior. Peace that someone so perfect choose to come to our family and has taught us so much.
One lady said that she hate how the Church says that you can be together forever IF you do this and that and do everything perfect but you never get progress reports along the way so you never know how your really doing. I felt so bad I just wanted to cry! I have never looked at the Gospel in such a way. I just wanted to tell her that Heavenly Father loves her and that is why he sent us a Savior! He gave his Son so that if we apply the atonement we CAN live together forever as a family.
She also said that she has a hard time with her youngest daughter feeling connected to her and loving her because her older sister passed away at 2 months old and that child was the one who was supposed to be their youngest, that she never wanted another baby she wanted the one who died. It just broke my heart I just wanted to cry! Here I am sitting with 4 of my best friends all who would give anything to have another baby, several of them CAN"T have more children. I know that I would give anything to be able to have more than one more child but i also know that we will be lucky to have one more... and it just really heart to hear someone say that about their child.
Anyway once the meeting was over we did have a great time out in the lobby cooing over Shanna's little baby boy. He is so tiny!!! and the cutest little thing. :) We decided that since this meeting was such a bust were going to get together in a few weeks at my house for our own little get together. I have to say that I'm so grateful for the great friends that I've made through this whole journey. Loosing Colette is the hardest thing I've done but Heavenly Father has truly sent us wonderful blessings to help heal and comfort our broken hearts and empty arms.
What a hard situation. I'm so glad that you have found great friends through all of this and that you have such incredible faith. I will admit, when reading about the woman who viewed the gospel in terms of progress reports and requirements...I've been there. It's a very discouraging, sad place to be. So I hope that these women are also able to find hope and good friends through the process.
ReplyDeleteYou are a great strength to me with your continued truest & faith in the Lord. Thank you!
Wow Julia, where do I start? It is hard to sit and listen to people sometimes when they don't recognize the blessings that they DO have. For me, I am MORE thankful for Maximus because I realized what a miracle it is that he is here with us. After losing two babies, I have come to know people that cannot have children at all...I have actually wanted to count my blessings because I think things could always be worse. I can relate to the woman that feels pressure to be perfect, but once I understood what the atonement was really about, I felt better. God is not cruel, and hopefully they will open their heart and minds and be able to see that. My hear goes out to the little child has to suffer because the Mom is so diconnected. For people that "don't get it" all we can do is pray. You are awesome, and I am so glad you are surrounded by good friends that understand. Love you!
ReplyDeleteSorry, I was typing and thinking too fast. I meant, My heart goes out to the little child that has to suffer because the Mom is so disconnected.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a rough meeting. Glad you made it through. Love you!
ReplyDelete