Tired out thrusday
Today is Thursday and bad day would be an understatement. I'm tired, I'm angry, and I don't know why, I'm grumpy and felling very bad for my children. I hate it when I'm not patient. I hate yelling at my children and for the most part I hardly ever have to, but today was one of those days where all I feel like I've done is yell. We went outside to mow the lawn and let the kids ride their bikes, I figured that a little outside time would help but I was wrong. After not long of riding bikes Bridgett's Bike wheel broke and so then she is crying her eyes out because her new love is riding bikes and now she can't. We finally got the lawn mowed with lots of tears trailing behind me, not all of them Bridgett's. I did have lunch at Apple bee's with Lynn and Jody, of course my first thought was after the bad day I had was to have something majorly unhealthy with fries of course, but I resisted and had the garlic herb chicken. (by the way its' majorly delicious!) After lunch I went to Walmart to find some flowers to put on Colette's grave for Memorial day. And trust me it was not lost on me that while I'm picking out flowers to put on my baby's grave, everyone else is buying diapers and new outfits for their baby's. It's just still hard.
At least the day ended on a good note. I went walking with a good friend Jennifer, We walked down to the cemetery so she could see Colette's headstone, it was actually the best part of my day, visiting my baby and her headstone usually brings me peace. I put out her flowers that I bought earlier that day for memorial day, and it calmed the feelings that had been raging in me all day. It helps me to be able to share my feeling happy and sad about my Colette. So even though the day was very rough... It ended with good feelings something that I had been praying for all day.
At least the day ended on a good note. I went walking with a good friend Jennifer, We walked down to the cemetery so she could see Colette's headstone, it was actually the best part of my day, visiting my baby and her headstone usually brings me peace. I put out her flowers that I bought earlier that day for memorial day, and it calmed the feelings that had been raging in me all day. It helps me to be able to share my feeling happy and sad about my Colette. So even though the day was very rough... It ended with good feelings something that I had been praying for all day.
I know what you mean about noticing people buying baby stuff. At Christmas time, it was little Christmas dresses for me. Everytime I went shopping for the holiday, I saw the little Christmas dresses and I came home crying everytime. When you lose a child, a lot of things you notice are magnified that weren't before. I think it is just part of the healing process, but it doesn't make it easier. I am glad you were able to take flowers to Colette. I am sure she was there with you. Hang in there sweet girl, go at your own pace, and you will survive this.
ReplyDeleteHey Julia,
ReplyDeleteI'm getting this blog thing slowly but surely figured out. Anyway every day since Thursday I have been wanting to tell you how much I enjoyed our walk and conversation. I came home that evening feeling very peaceful and a lot happier. So thank you for taking the time to show me Colette's headstone and for helping my day end on a bright note.
BTW I figured out how to post as myself and not use Ryan's account.