A new way to decorate.

Perhaps this will sound weird but after loosing Colette I didn't want to decorate Christmas the same way that we always have.   It just seems like when something so big as loosing a child changes your life you just can't bare to do a lot of the same things the same way.  It's almost as if you doing it the same way you always have is saying "life is the same this year as it always is"  And it's not!  I knew that the holidays were going to be hard,  and there have been moments that have been very painful but I also knew that with two other little ones in the house it all still had to be done.  And so it does but it does not have to have done the way it's always been done.  So this year Christmas is different in many many ways but even in the decorations.  We usually just have a little 4 foot tree that sits on the table in the piano room and this year  we borrowed Grandma Cindy's big tree,  and instead of doing the blue and silver Christmas colors we opted for Red and green and gold.  We even hung the stocking in a different place.
We even put the tree in a different place too.  And I'm loving it.

I love the new place for "mom's" tree,  The kids can enjoy it from the play room and I can enjoy it from the kitchen while I'm doing chores. 

All the way back in July knowing that Christmas was going to be hard I ordered a stocking for Colette with her name embroidered on it.   When it came Dusty loved it so much he had me order a matching one for the rest of us.  Instead of having them on the fireplace where there really is only room for four we hung them from the banister.  It' been fun being able to see 5 stocking hanging as I bake in the kitchen.  I never miss Colette at home as much as I do at Church or other places.  I know that probably sounds weird but it's like she's still there,  still a part of our family still close to us,  when we leave the house that feeling also leaves but it's always there when we come back home.

All the snowmen that I've collected over the years are still in the boxes much to Aaron's dissapointment.  Instead we are focusing on nativities and the Savior.  that because of his birth Our family can be together forever and live once again with Colette.   It has been hard but we are surviving!